Hello my lovely friends…
How are you finding this newness? It’s such a deep newness it’s a beautiful challenge to describe, but since the autumn I have felt this growing need to start describing more and more of this process when it feels right and is flowing, and I trust that feeling, so here I am! ❤
I love this newly~blossoming sense of service that is abounding! I particularly love this because I had SUCH a challenging journey with this whole area for a looong time (wrote about it more at the time here) ~ what I remember as the Matt Kahn version describes it best for me: ‘Your happiness is a service to others’…or something similar ~
And it’s so much richer than that as layers and pools and depths of each of our unique versions of this unfold themselves into the light of this new day ~ I always hated this stuff because it felt like if I wasn’t selflessly serving ‘the light’ (read: putting everyone and everything else first and hating life by denying myself in all sorts of ‘spiritual’ ways in order to look spiritually awesome) then I was shit. Basically. I love that every single thing in creation can be seen at so many levels of perspective!
Because now, more and more and in so many FELT ways that I really cannot describe, I understand that the truest purest service can only be our greatest joy, since it is literally the same thing and that is where we shine, and that is where we tap into our highest potential, our highest everything…and the more I feel this arising in me, the more natural it seems that my every moment is a service, to me, to LOVE, to life, to everyone and everything, and I understand (first in feeling then in mind) how this actually works…
As I am always saying, this has grown layer by layer over the years, and I have known the theory for ages, but it is truly amazing to discover from my own core of felt self~expansion what this all MEANS for me more and more every day ~ and the beauty of it is that it really doesn’t require me to understand at all ~ understanding is like the icing on the cake and the beautiful finishing touch that allows the full integration at every level, including human Sara (thank goodness 😉 )…the main ingredients for me (after LOVE LOVE AND MORE LOVE, obviously) are trust and devotion and heart~centred courage (i.e. out of love of ME, of everything), none of which were available to me willingly and consciously before I had opened my heart enough, loved myself enough to start to really get from my heart what I am doing here…before that it was just…horrid…
I can’t tell you how grateful I feel that life has started to feel genuinely and deeply joyful, real and mine…mine to love, mine to allow and unfold, mine to surrender to, mine to create, mine to BE, in that beautiful way where I know and feel it as a divine experience, experienced as me; and yet experiencing it as me is the crucial part, and hey, keeping it real and grounded and human feels so important now, so… 🙂
On Wednesday, after weeks of this growing exquisitely day by day, I arrived in a state of such deep knowing and grounded, trusting contentment ~ it was just beautiful, and brought to a crystalline awareness by this beautiful message from Shanta ~ when I read this I realised that the beautiful description of being like a pregnant woman in her last trimester was EXACTLY how I was feeling (not to mention how my body has spent the last three years behaving on and off as if she is actually pregnant 😉 ) and it blossomed the feeling into such incredible bliss, that also felt sooo normal…I love 2016! So different. Yes I am going to keep saying that… 😉
I even thought fleetingly, ‘Oh wow, this is a whole new level of yummy (innocent understatement of the best kind)) I wonder if I’m reaching another ceiling?’ So cute. Since in my joyful innocent~wisdom, I was right… 😯 And I really do feel that as intuition not manifesting old stuff with my cute thoughts, which is nice! By the end of Wednesday I was in definitely clearing mode (as usual totally resonating with Lisa Gawlas on the timings of the 14th being a powerful LOVE moment and four days either side for preparation/integration), though as I was saying to a beautiful friend, ‘clearing’ feels like it’s in a totally different direction now ~ instead of the previous ‘clear space and purify self in order to begin to receive new’ it’s now so obviously new pouring in, integrating, and then a bit of adjusting, clearing, rewriting, birthing along the way when the newness requires it ~ subtle difference in some ways but oh my it’s so obvious!
Even the way I responded, while familiar from years of the previous version, was just so simple! Love it, know it’s perfect, love the service of it (BEing this version of ascending experience on behalf of the collective ~ happy days!) (LOVE that I said that, just love it!), love the parts of me still finding it scary/confusing/worrying/tiring/down right annoying/etc…all very naturally, which I love ~ each new experience shows more and more how trying and ‘working’ for something from the mind just won’t work, especially not any more ~ I could NEVER have imagined even a tiny bit of the constant information~beauty that pours in through feelings and inspirations and so many subtle nuances and facets to be able to ‘create’ it from my human perspective! NO way.
So although there is still adjustment, still integration, still expansion going on, it’s just a whole new ball game of growth and experience now, and one which, for me, seems to be all about balance from and in every single level of being; and one that I am neither allowed nor desire to hurry along…
The experience I had this week seemed to be more centred around realising that I had actually been creating too much in a certain way… 😯 …who knew?! What a pleasure to be working with THAT kind of learning, rather than ‘Oh shit I feel awful again and will I ever get to DO anything other than process awfulness…?…okay love love love it…when will it ever end…’
I realised that not only had I been working solidly on this project (more on that soon ) every single day for weeks, but that I was actually pushing it with the wrong agenda in a little part of me, that was so enamoured (initially) with ACTUALLY HAVING SOMETHING TO WORK ON ( ) that it was hanging on to it for dear life and needing (clue!) to keep at it, and so I had started getting a bit of that into my flow, and that was NOT going to cut it.
It has come VERY clear VERY quickly that this time is about learning, very fast and day-to-day, how to be right in the sacred centre of your flow, creating, loving and BEing from the place of trust and peace and service (yup, my version) that we have all worked our sparkly little socks off to master ~ never underestimate what a MONUMENTAL achievement that is, every day ~ it’s one thing to do that in a cave on a sacred mountain, it’s quite another to do that immersed to whatever degree in society where you cannot avoid BEING AROUND OTHER PEOPLE…hahaha
More and more every day I am shown (by which I mean, I am showing myself 😉 ) how the only acceptable place to live is right in my heart, right with myself, right in the sweet spot that can only be found by feeling that complete Sara~flow and adjusting and adjusting, gently and because it’s just a new skill to remember in-body ~ and the beauty is that the sweet spot is not conditional ~ I can be feeling any emotion of any kind and still be there, and this is SO important ~ for me it is SUCH a beautiful merge of trust, devotion, sacredness, service, joy in the divinity embodied, gratitude, awe at how we are all being this literal bridge between spirit and matter, every day, every moment, and this permanent delight in finally getting to be myself, and that being my best possible contribution to life, whatever that is each day, every moment.
Hah. If I had read that maybe even a year ago, I probably would have thought ‘Jesus God, pass me a bucket, this girl is sickening…’ (yeah, never have liked service when it isn’t truly embodied with LOVE 😉 ) but now I understand what it means for ME, I just don’t mind, and it’s just the most magical thing, and it does not conflict AT ALL with being fully human and as mundane as I feel, because it’s all the same thing and no-one needs to know this stuff unless they are meant to, and it’s just for me to know and appreciate anyway!, and actually it brings a quality of sanctity to every moment that is a tad mind~blowing (one of my favourite things you know! Oh you know…Oh I said that before…Oh ok… haha ❤ )
So, as with everything in this year, it’s all about slooooowing down in order to allow this full speed ahead process, and not because fast is good, just because it’s feeling so right that this gets integrated faster than the speed of light now, because we have A LOT to do, BE and love into being this year and this is the mandate from our deepest selves ~ and I am finding the more I consciously slow, relax, bask, wonder, consciously listen, and listen deeper, feel into who I AM, who I want to be more of and bring more of in each moment, the more I am flowing in that sweet spot and everything is unfolding just as it should…and I love that it’s not a criticism if I weave in and out of that spot, because every time I do it’s a purposeful way of helping my conscious mind understand what it IS, what it means, how it works, and how to BE it effortlessly, gently, with the most love I possibly can…tis beautiful…
The slower I get, the more peaceful I feel, the more productive I am and the faster I transform…what a fantastic paradox (soooo many)…it really is all worth it (just… 😯 ) (almost fully kidding)… 🙂
Loving you all so much, and I will ‘see’ you in tomorrow’s LOVE~fest, whatever it has in store…we’ll be riding those LOVE~waves together, like the master~surfers we are…right on! ❤