Hello my beautiful and beloved friends…
Ah I have missed being here! But oh my that was so necessary! I so needed to reset, get a lot of rebirthing, deathing (one of my friend’s favourite terms), recuperating, recovering (a lot of ‘re’s apparently!) and a lot of opening ~ the place that I talked about in the last post turned into a six month housesit, which was so perfect in so many ways, but most crucially because it really dissolved the previous cocoon state that I had been in, especially physically ~
This last summer especially felt like a bridge-time, a purposeful limbo between how life had been (ascension cocoon anyone? 😯 ) and what was coming, wiggling me about in the cocoon and starting to break me out of it and into the light of a new day, ready for this year…sometimes it feels as though, in that cocoon, nothing will ever change (um, uhuh!! 😯 ), so as the summer and autumn progressed I was beyond grateful to feel this sense of relax and recovery come in and begin to shift my energies and perspectives in brand new directions and ways ~
There were some really tricky moments, to say the least…Hopefully none of you snorted your beverage over your keyboard at my little understatement there 😉 The thing is, and I’m sure many of you know e x a c t l y what I mean, I cant really remember much of it now…haha. It’s so weird, shifting conciousness ~ I do have a Neptune-Sun square closing in again for a second time just now, which definitely adds to the nebulous sense of ‘Oh, who am I again and why am I holding this mug….oh wait, what is a mug..?’ but it actually feels more fundamental than that, in that everything that got us to here is rapidly receding because, finally, we really don’t need to remember or know it any more…this is a day-by-day and moment-by-moment experience that changes constantly, but that feels like the main drift…(drift being the operative Neptunian word 😉 )…
What most definitely did happen though was some major arrivals deeper into myself ~ for one, my experience of abundance got massively addressed and a whole layer of grief and cosmic rejection around lack I hadnt been able to move beyond without an actual experience got shifted (I’d love to talk more about this soon because it feels so important) in the most surgical manner! It was actually really amusing, because the amount of money and the circumstances that prevailed for the entire time I was in the housesit (literally to the day actually), was exactly perfect to move the energy it did, not too much, not too little, and just in the right places. Gotta love divine wisdom in manifest form 😉 ~ and now I am, on paper, in the exact same physical circumstances as I was before the housesit, but oh boy am I different!
I think really, this was all serving (and all down to) the fact that I needed that time and space to reach into the final layers of pain and fear that required a hell of a lot more peace, quiet and comfort than I have ever had before for any real length of time. I really understand this now ~ last summer and autumn have shown me how profoundly sensitive I am to my surroundings, both physical and energetic (though I have seen how much these are the same thing really), and how deeply important a sense of home is to me, not just internally (though that comes first), but also physically ~ and although I knew that, I didn’t know it like I do now… 😉 again, more on this another time I suspect.
This time allowed me to arrive into the core of fear and pain in my being that needed me to have got to such a high level of self~love and attention that I was able to hold myself through it, knowing that there truly are no guarantees on this path ~ for me this has been such a poignant part of this whole process because, not having my multidimensional eyes and ears as yet 😉 I have had to face again and again the fact that this may all be a total delusion too… 😯 That sounds either very strange for me to say at this point, or painfully obvious, but actually, I have found that it can be all too easy to cling to so many aspects of what ascension means in order to try and get a bit of comfort in this crazy time of shift (totally and utterly understandable and probably necessary…after all,I would never ask someone clinging to the one branch on a cliff face to trust me and let go!), but my being has absolutely required me to stare the absolutely necessary and logical fact straight in the face sometimes and say ‘No, you are right, I have no idea if any of this is real’, for one reason and one reason only: more self-love.
I am quite sure this is part of why I cant ‘see and hear’ yet ~ my moments of true self-commitment have come at these times where everything in me that relies on what I think I am doing and being here to be true (and for me not to just be an exceedingly inept human) wobbles and caves and I hear the little voices at my core saying ‘Oh my god Sara what if none of this is real and we are just FOOLS and we are doing it all wrong and its all bad and awful and we are SHIT at life and should just try to get on with something NORMAL!’ And other very sad and terrified things that I totally get.
This is what came up finally and most deeply in the autumn of last year and for the first time I was able not only to notice it, but genuinely turn my full attention to that core of me that so desperately needed my love and say ‘You know what my love, I have no idea if any of this is really true, I can’t lie to you my sweetheart and I can’t prove it to you and I wouldn’t want to try to convince you of anything ~ but know that whatever happens, whatever is real or not, whatever is true or not, I am with you now and I always will be because that is all I have ever wanted and that is all I will ever want…’
And MEAN IT. Epic and simple and oh my god~dess was it powerful! Because those parts of me did not want proof. Pfffff. No. They just wanted to know I was with them, and success, or failure, right or wrong, good or bad, light or dark and beyond, I was with ME and would always be, because THAT is all I ever need. Because it doesn’t mean I DON’T believe in ascension and all the majesty and beauty it means and is (!) ~ 5D eyes and ears aside I have had soooo much felt and known experience of multidimensionalness in these years of change and my sense of who I AM gets stronger every day ~ no, the point of that all is that I can’t avoid that core fear and distrust in the divine, in the magical, in the rightness of of everything and in the truth of the full divine abundance and bliss that is our collective birthright ~ I am going nowhere fast without my full allegiance and the full courage and commitment that must come from facing down that size of primal terror and doubt and being able to genuinely reassure it that I am here, that I understand, that I love it unconditionally and I am not going anywhere.
Ironic really that those parts of me don’t want God, or the angels, or proof, or divine guidance, they just want little old human Sara to rock up, swing them up into my arms (heart), give them cuddles and say ‘Honey, I’m home and I will never leave you alone again…what shall we do today?’ ❤
And the best bit about all of this was, having sat in those moments of total and utter doubt, fear and existential paralysis (AGAIN 😯 totally had to surrender completely to ‘Reeeeally there’s more????’ 🙂 ) (and because of course, its not like I sit there saying wisely ‘Oh yes, that is that fear and that pain, oh ho, come and sit at my wise knee and be loved’, no no, I have to FEEEEEEL it 😉 as you know 🙂 ) and cuddled myself desperately through to the other side, what then comes is vitality and trust and joy and love of a whole new kind…again! Oh its beautiful! Because it’s ME being with ME. And that’s all…
So, again, more on all of that another time because I just so wanted to catch up a bit and wave a huge hello to you all ~ since oh my goodness this year feels so different! I don’t know about you guys but after all the recalibration/shufty about of January (divine reassembly of inner parts anyone? 😯 ), February feels like the New Year has really begun to begin! Hence belated title of post 🙂 That Mercury retro ushered in something seriously new in the sense of conciousness ~ TOTALLY resonating with what Lauren Gorgo has been detailing in her latest reports ~ YES that definitely went on/is going on and I want to talk more about that too…
Haha totally setting myself up here for so many posts. But then, this feels like it. We are so ready now, even though every day feels like some sort of mandate to be the living embodied version of ‘working out the New Earth kinks’ as well as BEing the LOVE in form, moment by blessed moment (I’m with ya my loves!), the newness and the gloriousness is totally undeniable and sooo exciting!
I feel so ready for my a c t u a l life! You know what I mean…oh yes. I deserve it. We deserve it. Not even because we worked so hard for it, but just because we KNOW we do and that makes aaaaall the difference now! And so much loveliness is coming through, subtly, powerfully, revving it all up and getting it all moving that those kinks and bumps and moments of 😯 are just being loved and integrated and flowed through and it’s time, guys, it’s time, just because it’s happening and its soooo obvious. In all its amazing unfoldment at our own unique pace and timing…it’s going on!
So much more on EVERYTHING as soon as ever I am called (because sharing and describing all of this as we go feels so much a part of my joy now too) and I would LOVE to know how you all are and how you are doing/being/feeling everything now…
So, Happy NEW Year everyone, I love you so much, let’s build this! Wooooo! ❤
(Must nap now 😉 naaaaah I’m kidding! Too many sparkles for napping ) ♡