It was so great to write all of that yesterday, even though I know at the moment I really don’t have an accurate feeling of whether it all makes sense! It was interesting though because after I posted it, I then felt an intense vulnerability come in ~ I used to feel this a lot but now it’s informing me in a different way ~
I tuned into it gently, wondering what it was about, and actually realised that I had no way of knowing right now, everything is changing and reinforming me so fast! Was it fear of how it was received, was I feeling responses to it, was it about what I have been learning about my field and not sharing my energies much at all, was it something else entirely ~ and actually, this not~knowing feels perfect ~
As I have mentioned practically every time I have been on here, I have felt so much creative energy pour through me since October ~ I have wanted to write so much, had so much clarity, insight and awareness come in, felt so strongly the urge to share, and yet the energy just wasn’t there, and it felt totally not joyful to try ~ so it’s felt like this fluctuating relationship here, where I am always BEing love with everyone connected to me, beaming it out through the blog too, even when I am not writing, and yet although sometimes the urge to write will translate into actual words, more often than not it’s just not right ~
Now that Mercury has left that cycle, and as this Full Moon energy really ushers in the deep change energy of March, I can feel how the profound initiation, preparation, recalibration process that has just gotten stronger since the September Equinox, and went into warp speed during the retro, is now making way for whatever profundity it was preparing me for ~
I was listening to Sandra Walter’s latest video this morning (she also mentioned her own perspective on the unmanifest creative urge actually, which was lovely to hear and I really resonated with!) and again, as with everything at the moment, it confirmed to me this awareness of where I am in myself and the incredible changes that are truly unfolding now ~
I realised how, through these past months, everything that was still waiting for it’s divine release and harvest from my old ways of relating has been attended to ~ this isn’t in the sense of ‘oh I’m done now’ ~ much more a deep recognition that in divine timing in in such amazing perfection, it’s all dissolved or dissolving fully, and is swiftly and continuously being replaced with whatever is now coming in ~
And this is really the point ~ I realised today how profoundly joyful the unknown is to me now ~ Sandra talks specifically about the unknown in the video, but for me it was really beautiful to realise how profoundly I truly feel this now in my own way ~ I don’t have the clairaudience, clairvoyance, and I don’t have any details, and yet, I know that’s exactly where I want to be right now ~
And I have no idea why! And this is wondrous! Because it’s not confusion, there’s no seeking suddenly, just this profound appreciation of the mystery and excitement for what will unfold, because there is this this whole being acknowledgement that the unknown IS ME ~ beyond the theory, beyond the knowledge that I have had for so long now ~ I can feel this as a unified sense in my whole field and it feels like HOME…
I have no idea what is going to happen ~ in connections, situations, my consciousness, my identity (whatever that is!), physically, any of it ~ and yet, where before there was this fear that I should know, that I needed to choose, do something, that there needed to be any specific way of engaging with it, today that really has gone, and instead there is this knowing that all that is required of me is to listen to ME unfolding into this focus here and now, wonder and ponder and inquire when it feels loving, allow and rest and love when it doesn’t, and let this astonishing heart of mine unfold whatever is next in its full glory, with my complete permission ~ whatever that permission is for!
The last few days have really ushered this in for me because, for the first time, I have had every intuition I have ever felt about how this all works for me, my process and why things have been the way they’ve been confirmed for me, not through comparison particualrly, but by synchronicity ~ in every single message or sharing I have watched or read, I have felt and seen (often exactly) the essence of the experiences I have had come in for me in my own way over the last few months ~ from Ronna Herman’s latest to Sandra’s sharings, to Bill Ballard to Matt Kahn to Aisha’s messages and so on and so on ~ none of it is the same in comparison, in the details of the individual experience, yet the essence of each sharing, this heart~centred experience, is suddenly totally confirmed to me in all I have witnessed and felt happening in myself ~
So I guess I wanted to say I have no idea where we go from here! And perhaps I’ll have writing sprees here, perhaps I’ll be silent, but I can feel this rebirthing energy of the last few months, that has been really cleanly and beautifully clearing my decks, moving deeper and deeper and creating more and more space ~ it doesn’t require anything of me but willingness and beloved self~interaction with what needs my attention moment to moment ~ but as Lisa Gawlas keeps saying so perfectly (probably in different words ~ I can’t find it now 😉 ), if we could have it all, would we give it all up to have it? I don’t know what it will mean, but I trust my self to show me and I know I am so lovingly safe in our highest bliss unfolding…
It’s an exquisite relief to feel finally as if I really am HOME ~ I really am safe in my self ~ it’s just there in my core, whatever feelings come through my field, whatever sensitivities and ongoing adjustments and things unfold, this knowing is there and it’s utterly peaceful and profoundly beautiful, because it’s ME…and I really don’t need to know… ❤
So, beautiful and wondrous friends, those who read this, those who don’t, all the hearts and all who are BEing this incredible remembering, however we are all uniquely BEing it ~ I love you and I’m with you ~ I don’t know how that might manifest or what will follow, if I’ll write or not, but I know I am loving you all and you are all loving me and we are just the LOVE and it’s going to be one wild LOVE ride, that is for sure!!!
I will see you in there, out there and in here, always! With cookies and tea and a whole lotta LOVE…♡♡♡♡♡♡