So yesterday. Was AWESOME. Just awesome. And I want to try and explain it a bit more because it’s hard to put into words why it felt so fundamentally different in a really whole way. I found myself describing it yesterday like I had energetically moved house. It was like, I had moved out of the old house at the September Equinox last year, and been progressively moving out of the old, and into the new ever since, with more and more emphasis on the latter. Then yesterday, it was like I actually exchanged contracts, got the keys, and had all my stuff moved in. Haha.
But actually, that is how it feels. Like I have been looking round it, feeling it, eyeing it up, seeing what it would be like to live there and packing up and getting ready and such and everything, and then yesterday, I was in. And the reason this metaphor works so well is because of the continuous progression of it – you know when you move house it takes a while for you to unpack, settle in, decorate, make it really your own, expand it, etc. Just like it takes ages to move out of the old one, packing, cleaning and so on. It just feels so like that. It’s been so incremental and it still feels it. There was no big hoo-hah about it in my mind, and it wasn’t heady at all. It just suddenly dawned on me that critical mass was reached in some way, and once I noticed, I was like ‘Oh yes! Good lord! How exciting!’ and set about feeling around in there to see what was new.
And this is how it’s felt at every stage, one step at a time, one expansion at a time, gradually, spherically, organically. It’s just there are times that feel a bit like save-points (September Equinox was definitely one of those), and yesterday was one. And one of the reasons I say that is because there’s this solidity to it. I’ve been in it so much since around the March Equinox, but have sort of ebbed and flowed and had clearings and now I can literally feel how I still had a sort of layer of old that was being dismantled since then. But as of yesterday, it’s gone. I feel so….me. Spaciously me.
I think the main difference, that I have been feeling since the Equinox, and which has definitely integrated now, is being SO present. It takes no effort, it’s just I’m very aware how much I’m here. I sort of just don’t think about the past. It’s like it’s faded. Or something. At the very least it doesn’t have that whirlpool effect where you slip in and go round and round over events or emotions or opinions or worries. It’s much more insubstantial, like a mist of previous experience, just practical or reflective. And the future is only in an inspiration/imagining/dreaming/creating sense really, other than becoming aware of any attachments coming up.
And that’s a big thing too – I’m so clear and so free of fear and lack now – it’s really normal. I can feel everywhere there’s still stuff, but not because I’m looking, just because I’m aware it’s there. And there’s this practical, loving attention now that when something comes up, is like ‘Uh-huh, yep, we feel that, got it, right so (call in more of self and/or light family etc) let’s get this moving in whatever way suits us right now – this is me putting my attention there and noticing, and now it can flow in its own time, ok cool, done’. There’s just peaceful clarity and knowing – it will happen, in alignment, there’s no rush, no need, just love for my expanding freedom and all the yummy newness it’s bringing. There’s exhilaration, excitement, joy, bliss, connectedness (I could go on) and there’s this amazing sense of just being at home in me. And I can feel how this is going to get mind-blowingly new soon, in awesome physical ways, and I can feel how that might come about. Yet I am aware of just how seamlessly integrated it all is, especially thus far. Right now I’m just being a fairly ‘normal’ human becoming free of restrictions. (Though I say that, but I’m not sure any ‘normal’ human would agree… )
And the other thing that’s gotten so enjoyable and really quite amusing is, no matter what else is going on – like today there’s been a lot of integrating and not a lot of flow – joyful, essential sparkly Sara just keeps popping out ALL the time! I can’t help myself, not that I’d want to! I just find myself doing a silly dance, playing about, laughing, having a bliss moment, being silly or massively enthusiastic, expressing affection, or letting out big sighs of happiness. And my mind is like, ‘But Sara, you aren’t flowing with the new today, it’s feeling quite frustrating actually’, and yet it’s just abundantly, massively there, constantly. I’ve moved house, for sure. And it’s amazing how effortlessly everything else is just fading away because I don’t live there any more. Very, very simple.
And so today, I’ve been actually quite frustrated a lot of the time because I’ve wanted to do so many things but they just can’t come through – there’s been very little new actually materially manifest and a lot of potential floating about annoying the hell out of me because I can’t actually physically express it. Yet, it’s fine. I can be with that, and actually kind of dive into it and it makes it easier. Ah I just feel so much love as me, for me, with me, so it’s ok. It’s so normal, I’m losing any sense of what it was like without it, which is nice! I think that’s why writing it all down feels so good because I’ll not remember much of it all pretty soon! Haha.
So, who knows what’ll come now. There’s probably more sorting/clearing/dissolving – it feels like it – it just feels so much more graceful and peaceful to flow through it each time I level up like this. And this feels more than a level-up, it feels like a full arrival in NEW. Which is good timing, I reckon, because it feels so important to be able to ground this colossal wave of energy that’s building. Actually it feels more like a planet-sized laser of change. And my sense is that to be anchored in the new fully, at the basic level, is so important to be able to peacefully channel, ground and ride these energies, and this awareness feels so strong now. So I’m being that, and I love it.
Oh, and, had a really random moment last night. I was trying to sleep when I suddenly felt like a kind of buzzing line all through my core, which felt really quite strong and intense, and at the same time I was feeling a bit unsettled in my stomach. And THEN, I got the hugest urge to eat raisins…I’m not much of a dried fruit girl as a normal rule (unless there’s no cake/cookies 😉 ), and if I am it’s sultanas not raisins, and never at 1AM, especially not whilst queasy!… 😯 …and it wasn’t like a body urge where you reeeeeeeally want them and you’re salivating at the thought, it was like a feeling urge, where eating raisins just really joyfully needed to happen. It was like I was connected to the essence of raisins, how rich and grounding and sumptuous they are, because that’s what my being required. So I got out the tub and read my book and ate raisins in bed until I’d finished, and then I went to sleep, by which point I know longer felt queasy and the energy had gone…some Sara-randomness for you! And I thought that was a really good example of following the food joy in this crazy period of physical shift when raisins are apparently the answer…so…there you go!
Loving you all so much…fascinated by this whole collective process! ♡