Oh man it’s all gone a bit more wonderfully odd. Which I LOVE because it involves tangible New literally starting to saturate everything and make it fluid. And I can’t remember ever having so many different wondrous conversations online all at once; so many links and connections and reconnections and sharings and amplifications and inspirations flying around and it feels soooo graceful. Which is odd, because my mind really isn’t sure how. Which I love too… 😉
I love how I’ve just realised also how I keep referring to this time as crossover, and yet – despite my massive resonance with all the Christ imagery and Christed Consciousness references – I have only just noticed the synchronicity. Cross-over. Hah. Bloody brilliant. Nice one Sara 😯 ♡
Anyway, back to the experience of this week…For me, New has turned up as a rush of inspiration and new creativity, whole new levels of connecting and interacting and feeling unified with collectives, and more grounding of heart-vision (more on that in a minute). Again, I love this latest from Sandra Walter, especially in this context for what she says about both elevation and disharmony being amplified. God YES. Such a perfect way of describing all this crazy eruption of frustration, like tiny volcanoes (I SO agree Savannah!) that dissipate pretty much as quickly as they arrived. Oh and also this (absolutely could not find original source so linked from lightworkers.org) from Shekinah Rose today, particularly about no tolerance for anything that doesn’t serve me any more – oh goddess it’s so strong for me! Happily I seem to be able to allow everything i feel about it, I just feel like I don’t live in the old at all any more, but somehow still inhabit there! Hence oddness. And I trust it’s fine because I feel how beautifully orchestrated all this is, by US. Plus, that’s my only choice if I’m not going to go off my rocker pretty much all the time. Hahaha. But, happily, that’s my joyful choice anyway, being that it’s MY plan, and I love it, whatever the fuck it is Loving the swearing today.
So, oddness then. Well, it feels to me like the delineation – periods of dissolving old and periods of expanding new – has sort of gone. I mean it’s still there in that there’s a focus which defines conscious experience, but like they really are happening all at once now, like I am experiencing consciously the new dissolving the old, whether I’m in the new, or in the old being dissolved…haha. Great trying to put this into words. I guess really there’s so much new flying around and I so live there most of the time (even if my mind hasn’t caught up fully with that!) that the old just feels like bumps in the road, even if they feel s o m e w h a t L A R G E experientially…they aren’t actually large! They’re like tiny weeny bumps, but they are SO out of alignment with new that they are COMPLETELY not ok. Totally resonating with Shekinah Rose’s description of ‘extra sensitive angelic empaths’ for myself too on that. Couldn’t put that better in four words myself.
But the newness, and the self-love, and the sheer amount of ME is making this all so simple, even when so much of my mind (and it really does feel like it’s only my mind that’s experiencing the old really) is just yearning with every fibre to be free of all of this already. I can feel so deeply the importance – and the inevitability – of this happening perfectly, gracefully, and in my own divine timing. Not just because that’s the only ease and grace way but because that’s what I want. Really and truly. I want this my way. Because that’s me! And this is the love-glue that’s sticking me all into alignment and helping me allow everything that rushes up and flies past my face on it’s way out. (Even if a lot of the time I just want to duck and/or close my eyes.)
I have also noticed what feels like really pure soul sensations coming through, which are very surprising to my mind, even though there are really so obvious. Things like, feeling the total exhilaration in the intention to go out and wander the world with nothing, trusting the divine to provide. The thing is, I came into contatc with the sheer bravery of this exhilaration (particularly whilst being Sara/ this time last year when I had to face this possiblity, and it was amazing to find it there. But I myself have just been exhausted by this idea most of the time and aware of how completely unsuitable an experience that would be for me at any time up until what feels like the near future (ooooh risky territory…hahaha). So the surprising bit was feeling the pure, unadulterated excitement in the concept of that kind of adventure, not for the courage it would take, but just for the experience, the adventure, the experiment of it. It was so pure – like ME looking down on earth, rubbing my hands together and thinking, ‘Hmmm, now then, what shall we experience next…ooh yes! That would be AWESOME!!!’
Similarly, a sudden awareness or realisation – or even just a feeling – of all my lifestreams being completely and utterly to inform and support my awakening – and refining – in this central Sara focus of embodiment. I mean, yes, of course, but this feeling was like I felt all of them, all these MEs, look up at that thought and focus here, as if to say ‘well yes, of course! What did you think we were all doing? Trying to conflict with you randomly??’. It was weird, because it was almost exactly like all my other thought-processes and sensations of all these simultaneous lives, but it was like it had gone up a level of perspective and I was actually seeing how, for example, myself as a monk was feeding this lifestream with the refinement of both the spiritual ecstasy of devoting one’s existence entirely to knowing the divine (which I absolutely am, albeit very differently), whilst also supporting my abundance experience by creating all the experiences of lack in order for my appreciation of abundance to grow, and yet also for me to understand how to discover more of want I really and truly want (which is infinitely and freely anything and EVERYTHING) through the experience of not having it.
It was a tangible and conscious experience that, again, felt like a pure soul perspective. Especially because, when I have been feeling that kind of multiple awareness before, it has been in the perspective of what needs harmonising – so I have been becoming aware of what is conflicting with my desires and focus in this lifestream. but this time it was like my perspective was higher, so what I was seeing was how what had been experienced as conflicting was now actually felt as a kind of harmonised contrast – all of it for the expansion of this focus, all of it a combined and glorious refinement and expansion of ME coming more and more coherently into Sara, for full and ecstatic exploration of all of this in one, New body. I mean, w o w, YUM. God, I hope this makes sense.
And yesterday was a truly interesting day because, I’m not sure if I can describe the actual sense of why it was so different properly, but basically I found myself experiencing the new whilst feeling the old because I just decided to. That’s new, in the sense of I actually made a conscious choice not to be present with what was passing through, not because I didn’t want to feel like that (though not feeling like that is always a bonus…), but because I wanted to focus into the new to celebrate myself in it. And I wanted to do that because this week something has happened that is so special to me, I absolutely had to ground it, and feeling the old wasn’t going to stop me, and that is why I decided to shift my focus away from what was coming through, and into precious me time. And that’s just different to my usual allowing. I shall explain more!
So for the whole of this conscious journey, the one thing I have known I have wanted to manifest is a cottage; my lickle earthly sanctuary. It really and truly looked and felt like it was going to happen years ago but it didn’t. Then I spent the next few years going through cycles of hope and self-critical despair around my apparent failure to a) manifest it (or anything else. At all…) or b) get aligned with whatever else was supposed to happen instead and stick to it. In the tension between these two – along with some fucking EPIC relationship stuff and inner child recovery – ascension happened. But this dream just stayed in my heart, with differing levels of attachment and need associated with it.
And as time went on, it expanded. It became less about need and more about joy and expression of my essential self. And it made me realise how it had come from my heart in the first place because the seed-feeling never changed, only got more beautiful, wider, more yummy, more me, more real. And many other areas of life began being inspired and involved in it – my therapy work, the way I love people, my joy in being on the planet, my approach to multidimensionality and grounding it here, my angelic resonance with beauty and harmony, and so on. But although it grew and got more and more connected and joyful and lovely, it stayed sort of out-of-reach. Sometimes it would come in so strongly and I would float in the bliss of its reality, nourishing and expanding it and feeling it manifest and loving it so much. Then at other times I would completely detach, wonder if that really was something I wanted, if it would truly suit me or it it was my safe/familiar option. And always, ALWAYS, second guess myself about if it was something I should persist with (that’s a whole other post in itself!).
Until this week. And I really can’t describe fully what changed, but it was suddenly like there was this energetic YES to this heart-seed. Like it came to the surface of my experience, coherent, solid, real and said ‘Okay, this is completely aligned and fully possible now if you’d like?’ and just sat there, beaming at me beatifically. And what was so magic about it, was I felt no need to jump on it whatsoever. It felt like one fully-available, completely viable, very aligned lifestream that I could get on if I chose, and I think is actually very likely what’s up ahead, but I feel no need whatsoever to fix. And because there is nothing but neutral joy and delight and bliss in my sense of it now, it felt like paradise to claim it, own it, ground it, bring it in, knowing that I was doing so neutrally, loving it simply for what it is, not needing it, just loving it as me.
So I did. Oh man I did. I created a whole section around it describing all the thought processes around therapy and wholeness that this central vision, this heart-seed, has inspired. It only took two easy-graceful days of creation, but it was magnificent to feel it all flowing effortlessly from my fingers – even when I was feeling a bit ambivalent about writing – and being posted up there on the blog, after months of no new inspiration of this kind. And then, yesterday, when I really was feeling so very blah and sad from the ongoing old and nothingness despite the new amazingness, I thought, ‘Fuck it, I am going to gift myself the true delight of describing this central deliciousness of my vision, grounding it with words and my heart’s love, finding wondrous pictures to decorate it with and POSTING IT ON THE BLOG in this new section that was inspired by it in the first place. Pride of place.. Huzzah’. So I did. You can find it here if you wish to read it. It’s the very simple version, of course (ye gads – imagine the size!), but for the first time ever it’s full, it’s whole, it’s coherent, it’s HERE. And I just love it. What a beautiful gift to me. Thanks me. (I so enjoy what that might look like to a ‘normal’ human.)
And that’s the first time ever I have felt like I might actually be seeing my first fully-New manifestation. Believe me, I have been anticipating that with excitement f o r e v e r whilst wondering if it would ever come sometimes! And now it’s come, I’m delighting in it being simply a blissful first option. Not even that – a blissful first version of the first option! Haha. I LOVE the new. And I love how suited to it I AM. Oh what a pleasure to finally be feeling my gift to the whole so much more and relaxing into it and loving myself for it…and loving everyone else so much more in it too…
So, whatever oddness prevails – and I really hope it gets a whole lot more odd very quickly – this feels to me like a veritable flood of New just arrving everywhere, oh it’s stepped up indescribably! Turning up everywhere, highlighting our incarnate strengths first and our incarnate blocks too, but filling up ALL the space with love-light, expanding into more more more space, tuning us up, lifting us out, flying us forward, surging us into soaring that will never cease, because this light is FREEDOM, darlings, it’s total, complete, infinite FREEDOM and it’s US. How can any words ever get the LOVE for that across.
This is going to be GOOD. It is already GOOD and our minds are catching up FAST. And I for one, when I’m fully in it, can barely contain the excitement that seems to be seeping out of every conscious and unconscious pore now whether I’m noticing or not, and being ME so much of the time that I take myself by surprise. Love that my mind often has a disgruntled gasp at how exhilarated and excited I seem to be all the way from the core out to my edges, and it’s so normal. It’s like it says ‘Oi! New! Do you mind? I’m trying to find this process tiring here! I’m trying to be exhausted and sad and empty and fed-up and wonder when this will ever end! Will you stop with the weirdly normal bliss and the jumping about and the dancing and the singing and the silly voices and the EXCITEMENT and the joy and the EXCITEMENT please…???’
Ah you’ve got to laugh. Thank Goddess we’re so big now that there’s room for all of it and an infinite paradise full of more… God I love you! Yes YOU ♡