For a long time I have been observing, expanding, refining, and loving a vision of healing/wholing that now feels very expressive of me in essence and feels very strong in potential for what my first manifestation of me might be in the New. I say this with massive joy because, although this vision has been an evolving and precious heart-wish of mine for years now, it suddenly feels very real and rounded and close in a way it never has before. I have always felt it there and countless times have nourished the seed to whatever level I was at at the time, but it has had periods of complete release and I have been fundamentally neutral about it for a long time now. (Which I feel to be a grand achievement, considering…you’ll see!)
So it’s magical how it suddenly right now feels like this could very well be what my first step into the New looks like! This is me joyfully honouring and celebrating this precious feeling by writing it down here (since this is my most physically-manifest joy-hub right now!) in what feels like its first complete form. Yay! You can read about all the surrounding topics around how my being in this space might manifest in a therapy context (and my feelings around all of it) in the rest of this section, but right here I just want to skip about in the reason for all of these thought processes and details, which is, my gorgeous cottage dream. Because this is what inspired all the rest…
This all started with a cottage. I have come to know about myself that a huge – and it feels necessary – part of my earthly joy is sacred space. The best word to describe this feeling I have for it is sanctuary. Something in me has always known that before I could truly expand into my full Earth-potential, I would need a physical sanctuary, and not having had one of my own yet – a space just for me – has been one of the most challenging aspects of this journey so far because I seem to yearn for it very deeply. This has blossomed for me though, like all the experiences of lack I have had, into a refined sense of the essence of my yearning, because when I’m yearning – or rather when I manifesting by filling myself with the joy of my desires! – I am immersed in the detail, the inspiration, the sense of what I want, and so I learn much more about it.
And it started with knowing I wanted a cottage. That’s the only thing I have ever consistently wanted (other than to write… 🙂 ). And for once, I can only say, that it’s because I’m a cottage kind-of-a girl at heart! And this cottage, of course, comes with a beautiful garden, and space for much more. And it comes on the outskirts of a town – totally accessible, yet tucked away, and opening out onto woodland and natural expanse of green, like Dartmoor (this cottage does seem to be focused in the Dartmoor area for me so far!). What’s lovely about all of this is that all the need has gone now – in the details and in essence – and instead I have this strong feeling of rightness – this sanctuary is something necessary in some indefinable way. Very odd to have neutral and necessary in the same feeling but there it is!
Something I have come to know a lot about myself is how I like to nourish myself and others. One of those ways is through beautiful, peaceful space to just BE in. I resonate deeply with the frequencies of beauty, harmony, peace and comfort, and one of the main reasons for wanting a cottage, with a beautiful garden and plenty of space, is so I can create my perfectly expressive sanctuary energy in these ways, firstly for myself, and then to share with others. My own beautiful, comfortable, peaceful, harmonious sanctuary. And this sanctuary would be full of me – delicious food, beautiful things, light, colour, creativity, different spaces, abundance, candles, crystals, beautiful smells. It would be my canvas in every dimension.
Because this sanctuary would combine all my essential nourishing ways into one focus. I have always been a person who prefers people to come to me. Not exclusively, but mostly. And I used to think that was just me being unsociable! Haha. But now I understand that this is just my joy. It’s simply that, never having had a place of my own or much of anything physical that would enable me to fulfill it, I have never been able to offer the space for people in the way my heart sings about (though I have always done my best!). And that involves this sense of sanctuary, and when it comes to other people (as anyone who knows me in this way can attest!) I ADORE fulfilling their perfect sanctuary requirements to whatever extent I can! Be it food, sharing, information, peace, quiet, space, gifts, ‘healing’; I am so attuned to what helps people feel fully themselves when I am holding space for them, and at peace, and I feel so strongly that this is why this sanctuary feels so important for me, because that’s what it would be for myself, so that is the vibration I can ground and transmit there, deeply and lovingly.
I guess the thing about this sanctuary is, it’s not really about the details, although I LOVE them and they get clearer as the essence-feeling gets stronger. I learnt ages ago not to focus on the details as the result and just head for the feeling – a skill that I’ve been refining and delighting in ever since (actually way more fun for me!). So when a detail comes consistently I know it’s a pure Sara one, even though it could change any time if it likes! And the thing about the sanctuary first and foremost is that it would hold my HOME frequency. It would be the physical manifestation of me in some really deep, pure way. And I would fill it and expand it and love continuously with more and more light and all the ways that called to me. And so all the objects and details and creations that followed would be aligned. And so everything about this place would be literally vibrating what I AM.
The thing that excites me about this is that it becomes like a love hub of Sara, physically as well as non-physically! And so everyone who came there would receive what is essentially me, which is why they would come. And most importantly, it would be a space, a place that emitted the vibration of just being. Just being truly yourself. Because that’s HOME whoever’s version it is. So for me it’s not so much the details about how each person likes things – though I do love that too – it’s fundamentally about creating and infusing a space with the vibration of HOME, of LOVE, of freedom to be. So that, however the delightful details manifested for each person, it would be the gift of themselves at home with themselves – through my particular version – that would be received first and foremost.
A beautiful friend gave me the opportunity to read a book extract recently that had a really profound effect on me. It was from page 198 of The Gnosis and The Law by Tellis S. Papastavro and it spoke of the potential homes and gardens that could be dedicated as sanctuaries for the Angelic realm – charged by their presence and vibration and so experienced as places to receive the Angelic energies, places of natural healing energy – and also of ancient gardens and secluded spots where this had been undertaken before. When I read this I had a whole being response of complete joy, because it described exactly – though I never thought about it quite like this myself – the essence of what I was wanting to create with my sanctuary. I had never considered it might be an actual, defined purpose in this way! Oh I got so excited because it felt like the most wondrous confirmation, and in a way, I think it was reading this it that has led to this vision becoming suddenly coherent, like it was waiting for this final sprinkle of fairy dust.
Because I have always seen this garden as a multidimensional co-creation. A place where all of me, of Gaia, of all the beings and energies and plants and animals – everything – creates this garden with the greatest joy and harmony, as a place of perfect beauty and peace, that is just exactly how this piece of the land wants to express itself too. That’s one of the ways harmony presents to me – asking for co-creation with all of life, not just humans. And I see myself in this garden asking each area, each plant, each piece of it how it wants to be. Inviting whichever energies that want to join to come, to co-create, to inspire, to expand and amplify what I see and feel, and also to be surprised and delighted by what I don’t expect. I see this place having many different areas, some just for me and the non-physical energies, some freely available to anyone to just come and be peaceful there. And it is so full of love, it IS love, and peace, and beauty and harmony. And it feeds my soul to create and dream and think and feel it.
One the biggest frustrations for me in this whole process has been feeling how naturally generous I am whilst not being able to express it due to experiencing so much lack. Again, this has illuminated who I am so strongly and I see at least some of the perfection of what I have chosen! And so one of my favourite things to do is sink into the feeling of unlimited abundance and enjoy exploring all the ways I would be me when my infinite abundance becomes physical as well as internal… 😉 My sanctuary has naturally become a focus for this because it seems to express me so fundamentally.
One of the biggest joys about it is the potential of what I would love to offer in a wider context through this space. So I would naturally have a garden room for my therapy, which would probably also be my quiet place for mediation. What I have also seen is a bigger building in the gardens that could be a wonderful yoga studio, and anything else that suited the space – gong baths, sacred dance, performances, classes. Whatever felt right. I have also delighted in the idea of this being part of retreat facilities, so that I could offer a completely self-sufficient and private small retreat space that really would be pretty effortless for me to provide. Related to this, I have also seen a beautiful and self-sufficient log cabin – basic but completely abundant – in a wooded area that is secluded from the cottage with an outdoor fireplace and with lovely outdoor cooking tools and just a place of really simple, authentic, deep peacefulness. I have wondered if this could be like the accommodation for the retreat idea, but my main feeling has been – as well as having a beautiful place for guests and for fires – to be able to offer that space freely to anyone that just wants peace and quiet and seclusion. I love this because it’s part of the sanctuary energies, and yet whoever stayed there could be completely alone and not even have to see me.at all while they live there.
This is very precious to me, because I love the feeling of being able to offer to anyone the opportunity for what I have longed for so many times on this journey; beautiful, secluded space to just let go, without any pressures or responsibilities, without having to worry about surviving or money or food or any of these things. That’s why I also love the idea of offering my version of what I have done a lot of, which is housesitting. It feels so joyful to me to go off adventuring in whatever way moves me, and for however long, and be able to offer my beautiful sanctuary as a housesit to whoever I feel to, leaving them abundantly supplied and completely free to be in it however they like, no responsibilities, no rules, no restrictions, and pile money (or whatever feels awesome) on them just for being there, for being them. I mean, how wildly delicious would that be for any housesitter…? She says, as one who knows…I really love this kind of radical abundance (in fact I think it’s deeply, essentially me), and that’s really my main reason for wanting my full and infinite abundance to come online in every way, so that I can just splash around in and with it in every possible way in the physical world…d e l i g h t f u l…
Vision of Bliss
So that’s my vision. A beautiful sanctuary; peaceful, harmonious, and a perfect, evolving expression of my essence in joyful co-creation and continued flowing energetic expansion and abundance. Somewhere I can share completely in whatever way I feel, and somewhere I can love everyone with, and in, and through. A LOVE-hub of Sara, vibrating, attracting and being light and love continuously. Somewhere for me to discover so much more of why I want to be Sara, in this space and from this space, knowing that wherever I go in the world my sanctuary is there, holding me in its heart and transmitting me in its presence. I don’t know why this feels so amazing to me but it does.
Oh goddess it’s heaven to be able to write all this down! Neutrally, in celebration, formed and coherent, and feeling so whole and tangible! Who knows whether this will manifest, but right now it feels so REAL, and this is the first time ever I feel like I am being presented with a fully-fledged possibility, a life-stream potential that’s right there and feels like it’s just awaiting a signal for go…For so long I have wanted to feel this in any form, and particularly in this direction, and here it is…after having been nourished and refined in my heart and mind for so long…and do you know the best bit? It doesn’t even begin to fill up the space I have for newness! I don’t think anything ever could now, and I think that’s the point…so it’s simply a paradise that has been precious to me for a long time, whispering to me to ground it here, and so, this is bliss. And if it turns up, that will be bliss. And so here it is, and here I am; one more (incredibly expansive) way for me to love, and I am SO happy for it ♡