Post-Equinox and New Moon Ponderings

347134-adminHello hello lovely ones – trusting you are all perfectly where you want to be in these flows after the new moon…

Personally, this one was a little outrageous. I say that knowing it probably wouldn’t have looked like that to anyone else but I am actually a lot more sensitive to these than I usually notice because a) I feel like I have an easier physical time with these things for reasons I have talked about before, and probably will again, possibly even below… :mrgreen: and b) I have cultivated an immense ease and grace in my general experience (if little else! Haha) and so anything that moves away from that always feels massively out-of-flow and tantrum-worthy to me!

It has become much clearer to me lately just what a fantastic job of cultivating ease and grace I have done in the last year, and it feels so organic – it’s a spherical, integrated expansion of perspective, refining standards, intentional manifesting and request/dialogue with ME (for which you could read: quite a lot of internal shouting 😉 ). But essentially, though nothing of what we have all worked towards and can literally FEEL in almost every single way now heart-wise has manifested in any big life ways yet for me (though it is for others now, which is ridiculously exciting), everything flows for me, with more and more synchronicity, and is often totally – and pretty instantly – magic (even if it’s all completely within the confines of this continuing restricted reality!). This is especially obvious when there’s something presenting that I think I want a certain way or don’t want at all, and without fail, if I listen to everything I feel about it, and turn it over to ME with trust (and – when possible – excitement) and ask for whatever is most joyful/aligned, it works perfectly, and always differently to what I was thinking.

So that’s why, post-Equinox, I got a  l i t t l e  bit bemused by the sudden drop in ease and grace that occurred. It all still worked as described above, but it was like the standards that define my manifest experience were reduced to ones from a while ago! It was odd. I found myself in situations which – though familiar and pretty mild as experiences go (by most 3D standards!) – were most definitely not preferable for me, and had the oddest deja vu of having no way out of them and no say in the matter other than expressing what I felt to myself and trusting me and carrying on. (On that note, saw a brilliant joke which captures this sooo well: ‘Deja poo…the feeling you’ve seen this crap before.’ Erm, poignant.). It was w e i r d. Not because I haven’t had plenty of experience of that, but because I haven’t had that level of it for a looong time, by my standards.

My mind had a mini-tangle while it asked questions like ‘What the hell? Why is this happening? Surely this isn’t inner me being reflected?? Shit, is there MORE to work through after everything?! NO! Please NO! I LIKE the new BEing thing – it feels a ma z i n g!!’ Okay that last bit isn’t a question, but it was where all my mini thought-tangles ended up. And through a combination of patience, synchronicity, a lot of self-love and reading this from Matt Kahn (part of the synchronicity as I haven’t been there for months), I arrived at a growing perspective that has actually been the basis of what’s now emerging from the new moon (and a bit before – I get these things early, usually).

First off, my immediate intuition – alongside the mind tangles 😉 – was that the Equinox was SO big, the light it brought was pushing a whole layer of structure up and out (i.e. a whole structure of being, not just a Sara-wound based on this life experience). This was supported by my experience on the Equinox, which was truly wondrous. I was at Chalice Well in Glastonbury – which is like vibrational home to me – and all day I could just feel the magical, sparkling newness arriving, through me, as me, me unfolding it, being it, grounding it, expanding it, loving it. It was fantastic. Then ensued the weirdness, so it made sense because the new was so strong, so tangible, so REAL. It was just so different to any post-expansion clearing I had had because it was so subtle and all-pervasive and had no particular Sara-theme or topic it was dealing with (like inner child wounding etc.). I felt like I was being pushed a little too much in old ways – too much social stuff, for example, and not in my usually joyful ways – and in a format that I couldn’t really change without a tremendous amount of active effort.

But then, mixed into that were some great opportunities – to speak my truth to a new level of authenticity for one – and also I had some delicious busy-ness that flowed along with the less pleasant busy-ness! My abundance had a little surge and I was able to buy lots of yummy food (this has been the general height of my abundance experience for years now so it’s always delightful!), and I then had two days of lovely solitude mixed with much rest, peace and some joyful times with souls I love. This is why it was so odd to my mind. It was like it was all mixed in together – structural dissolving and newness all merged – and it was so subtle and uncomfortable and yet totally manageable if I just kept flowing along!

And then I got a massive cold, which I still have; and it’s had two stages! The first felt like a clearing in preparation for the new moon, and it was accompanied by some moments of pure frustration as little things went awry. I wanted to print a knitting pattern to start a project, for example (this one of my few creative outlets!), and was so enjoying the thought of starting and was pottering along happily, but then the printer randomly wouldn’t print…it loaded the paper but wouldn’t go any further. I tried for a good 15 minutes – unusual for me in itself – because I couldn’t believe that it wouldn’t just work if I focused lovingly, but it didn’t. I know this seems hilariously trivial – and it is – but it’s only these things that turn up in this way now. And, as always, it’s never about the event or it’s effect – I’m very happy to just flow along and so this stuff incredibly rarely happens for me anyway – it’s about the result it has in my mind and heart and energy in general. Because almost instantly I’m like, ‘What the fuck? Seriously? After everything I’ve been through and everything I am being now, I can’t just have this knitting pattern? When I have so little else in physical life that’s joyful? REALLY???’ I get incandescent pretty instantly, and I really don’t like being incandescent – it’s not me. And I think this is really the point actually – the frustration now isn’t at not having the thing, it is pretty much exclusively ‘Why is this STILL like this AT ALL…?’ when it seems there’s nothing to do but be and trust and let all this not-yet-new roll on through.

And the thing is, I know essentially it isn’t that simple – I love all of life and it is endlessly physically joyful in many ‘normal’ ways, it’s just it doesn’t match up – not even remotely close – to what my inner life feels like. It feels so much – and has for ages – as if I have all but entirely left the old life but haven’t yet arrived in the new. So the physical situations have mini variations, they get incrementally more peaceful, easier, more graceful, they have bigger moments of abundance and more new flowing underneath. Yet they are still just the same old (very restricted) temporary waiting spaces while we transform (I really resonate with the way Karen Bishop describes this in her ascension posts on this) and we all do an astounding job of existing patiently and peacefully in them. But when I have moments where the flow ceases (even for moments), I get to see the sheer size of the difference between where I live internally and where I live externally, and incandescent frustration is the usual representation!

It passes pretty instantly too if I just move on to something else, because I really don’t live there any more, and in some ways these moments show me just how amazing it is that I am so peaceful and joyful so much of the time in a manifest reality that only barely does lip service to my inner world. My mind has great fun over this. When I say fun, I mean it says things like, ‘Ah! You must have more to do Sara because you know your world is simply a reflection of your inner state.’ That kind of mind-type amusement/torture 😯 It’s just, the closer we get to full newness, the more painful it is to feel anything else, and it gets more unbearable to experience these moments, which is why my reactions are so massive and unpleasant for me, and also why they are over so quickly.

Then we have the new moon. It felt to me as if this cold was like a crossover between Equinox structure-shifting and new moon preparation. It felt like the new moon really was bringing the beginnings of all this square and cross energy coming up at Easter-time. And these pockets of frustration – and I also found I had a really sensitive (low) tolerance level for giving to others energetically – were like a tune-up and a heads-up, because this new moon was very close to my Sun-Chiron degree, linking to – rather than on – the degree (13) that all this big stuff happens on around 22nd/23rd, so it felt like a personal opportunity for clearing and awareness around the energy that’s coming.

Erm, it was poky. Really poky. But it was also incredibly dynamic, excited, joyful, creative, fast-moving and massively enthusiastic when it wasn’t pushing my (very old and tired) buttons. And I’m feeling hopeful that it was like a little prod for me now so that I won’t have this kind of response in the same way when the big stuff happens because the big stuff isn’t directly personal to me degree-wise. Yet it’s so big and global that I know it will be huge – of course! It’s simply that now I’ve been Grand-Cross-immunised if you like, and so I can be much more aware of the potential effects on my energy and ride/ground them appropriately. This is me being hopeful and enjoying it 😉

Also, I woke up with a really sore neck on Sunday – like I had been sleeping with it twisted for hours – which is also incredibly unusual for me. Mum offered to massage it (she’s an awesome massage therapist) and so at pretty much exactly the time of the new moon she was massaging my neck and shoulder on my right side. I like to know what is going on in sessions generally so I was asking how my glands were under my jaw, and she said that my left one was fine – soft and yielding – but my right was absolutely full and felt very solid. I started to describe my sense of it (because one or both of them is always like that), which was like my whole immune system has always been working flat-out my entire life and is really so symbolic for me and how I have been with energy and other people in general (i.e. an unconscious sponge and transmuter). Then as I said the phrase ‘Yes, it’s like it’s been exhaustedly and quietly just getting on with it for years now – a bit like me really!’ the whole gland just cleared! We were both really surprised because the whole thing just shifted instantly, like my words had released that self-truth from its physical manifestation. I enjoyed that.

And then my cold changed and since Sunday I have been shifting the most incredible amount of gunk and had lots of strange dreams and aches – especially in my spine/back of my heart-chakra. I feel like I have been having one of the biggest all-over physical clean-ups ever in a pretty graceful manner, and it feels good, and like I don’t really have to ‘know’ much, just tune in with me and how I am when I feel to. I’m excited to see what’s on the other side of it, especially since I have read so many things that have been huge confirmations of a really big physical turning in this process happening now (this is like a whole-being sense for me!), and really heightened my conscious awareness of all these things. There’s definitely been a whole new level of self-focus and self-curiosity and loving self-inquiry inspired by such writings as this from Sandra Walter, and this from Aluna Joy, which resonated massively with me. Oh, hah! And my message from Jeshua…I tend to forget because these message are so seamlessly part of (and then expand magically upon) my own experiences.

It’s just like this time is feeling more and more like it’s a truly stupendous, magical and moment-to-moment process, like this is the only way to be in the flow of this stage, and that all the other stages prepare us for this full letting go and flowing along for the ride…woohoo, frankly! More on this later I think – many, many thoughts on this… 🙂

In the meantime, loving you all, and thought writing this might help me get clearer on the whole thing, since it usually does! And that can only ever help in general, so, yay, and if it supports anything for you lovelies, well, awesome! Off for cake and tea now! Ooh and then the NEW SOAR-FEST from Meredith!! WOO! Haha, can you tell I’m not frustrated right now…?

See you later… :mrgreen:

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15 thoughts on “Post-Equinox and New Moon Ponderings

  1. ‘Deja poo…the feeling you’ve seen this crap before.’ OMG what a belly laugh. Amazed you can articulate what is up. It is leaving me generally wordless. big smooch xoxox

    1. Hah I know!! It’s brilliant isn’t it – I think that was actually at the beginning of the Aluna Joy post. So perfect for this whole process…

      And I have the sneaking suspicion that somehow being able to articulate some of this is part of my love addition to the general craziness…heh!

      Been sending love and thinking of you and the websites and your cat a lot – any news/directions?

      Cuddles! ♡♡♡♡♡

  2. Clarity slowly peeping in about web site. Mixed signals about cat, still not clear enough to try to capture her. I found out about a place that does free exams so I was ready to roll but I asked her what she wants and the next morning she was out and staring at me so I took that as a possible sign she wants no part of the vet, since previously she has made herself scarce. Waiting for divine inspiration.
    Have you seen Pride and Prejudice? At the end Kira Knightly says she is “incandescent.” It is one of my dreams to be incandescently happy. This day was incandescently peaceful in front of the fire when snow led to my Conscious Parenting class being cancelled.

    1. Oooh yes – incandescent with joy/peace/yummy things!!! Thank you! That’s such an awesome word for that. I’m so used to being incandescent with rage because it’s the only word that does justice to the outrageous Uranus fire that comes through me in those moments! I had forgotten Keirs sad that – perhaps I shall watch it again…

      Ah great about website – I have been suddenly having tonnes of clarity and creativity through about the blog/an area of life and LOVING IT (been so long) and when I was creating one of the pages I was thinking ‘hmm I wonder if Savannah has her website/s yet so I can link them..’ :mrgreen:

      When I read your blog post about the cat, my first thought was to literally connect into her fullness and yours and ask for her to do something like actually get into whatever you would transport her in if she wanted to go. You know, something physically definite so you’re sure.

      But it’ll all flow so I trust you and the cat, as ever! And the websites!

      Such a gorgeous image of you being incandescently peaceful in front of your fire – I love it! Such freedom in just being peaceful whatever turns up…yay! I feel so proud of us ALL the time – still catching up to what amazingness we have already pulled off, let alone whats unfolding now…so cool!

      We are so cool.

      I love you! Do you fancy a cappuccino in the ethers? I am feeling like a soul confab on your beautiful veranda for fun today…♡♡♡♡♡

  3. Absolutely, come right over, sounds divine. I love your idea with the cat. She almost entered the house today which is miraculous. I tell her over and over that we’ll rush her to the vet if she wants. Maybe I’ll bring the carrier up and if she jets off, perhaps it will ease my mind.
    Slowly getting clear about web site. I almost had my own version up yet may now seek professional help. Letting it marinate.
    Now I am in hot water, challenged not erupting so incandescent rage is closer to my inner state periodically. Can erupt like volcano and just as suddenly subside. My spine is sometimes like a rod of steel. Definitely like what the f*ck?@#@&&^%$$&*** Again? Yup, again. Meet you on a cloud for some cappuccino time to get some altitude.

    1. Haha oh yep I hear you darling! Longing for that oh-so-elusive permanent peace of home in every moment now when I’m not feeling it.

      Kind of come to realise that really, the main pain I’m dealing with now is just the battering from soaring and then wading through muck – it just traumatises me SO much because, even though soaring is so natural to me, I am finding sometimes I have a kick-back reaction to letting go into it because there’s ALWAYS been these come downs which feel so difficult when home is RIGHT THERE and I can feel it!

      The come down are so mild now compared to before but the trauma is there and it’s distressing. Now in my post-joy-surge tiredness so that’s why I’m feeling it now! Did get pretty much all the new section up though and am now going to sit down and write the reason for it all, which is my actual vision of my next step, which suddenly feels solid. As you can imagine, for me, that’s MASSIVE. So we’ll see if it turns up physically! Haha.

      Totally loving the cloud cappucino and totally with you for that – so loving that altitude rise for myself too! Sounds good with cat – like she’s trusting you – but then I’m sure she knows how much you’re focusing on her wellbeing 🙂

      Resonate completely with volcano-to-subsiding. Yup! And also ‘have loads of little blog posts in my head with no motivation to write them down’ from your latest – that describes the entirety of 2014 for me! haha.

      Anyway, darling, I am loving you, let’s cappuccino…I could so do with that! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

  4. I know I’m late for the party… but I’d like to share that I, too, had very bizarre moments post-equinox where I didn’t quite know where those thoughts/actions were coming from. Anger, irritation… so unlike me these days. And this week has been quite the roller coaster, so I’m just doing my best to stay centered!

    Much LOVE to you, my adorable Sara!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

    1. Never too late for a party, cupcake! Hee hee.

      When I was reading your words I got struck by the sensation/vision of: you know when you are going incredibly fast, so fast that it doesn’t feel like your moving (like in a plane), but when you are going that fast, even the slightest bump can feel like a slamming into a boulder or being thrown into a ditch.

      It almost feels like that’s where we are; so fast that any bump of clearance feels like a huge something, and also almost like the old vehicle just can’t cope with these speeds, so although we have the new ones now, while we are crossing over, occasionally we get to feel what travelling at this speed is like in the old vehicle – i.e. teeth-rattling and with bits falling off all over the place!

      That’s a very wordy explanation but it was very clear and it does feel like we have gone beyond fast, are even leaving warp speed and now going quantum. Or something. So every tiny unaligned thing feels massive! I say, we need cookies…

      Not sure if this is the party you were hoping for, sweet pea… hahaha :mrgreen:

      Loving YOU yummy Ivy! Cookies! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

      1. Oooohhhh…. I LOVE this description of yours, it’s spot ON! Bless your heart for having all the right words for things we go through, Sara! ♡♡♡
        We need cookies, indeed. Ha ha! Your visual is so perfect that the moment we go back to the new vehicle, things just fall into place immediately, we can feel the alignment so clearly. And it depends on us, of course, our choice to make the most of each moment and each experience.

        Any party with you is a fun party, lovely one!

        Loving you back, always ♡♡♡♡♡♡

      2. Hee hee what a delightful complement my lovely! Thank you! Parties Sara-style!

        I am so delighting in a completely hands-off approach right now for just this reason – letting it all roll through, trusting my own internal navigation system and re-alignment process without any involvement from me whatsoever, except in a joyful party-manner, of course – since is how I feel I am saying to myself in every moment ‘Every moment we unfold is just perfect, no tweaking necessary…’ And so it will continue to get more so…Relaxing my way into new..Haha.

        Even if it feels ridiculously not relaxing occasionally…roll on the full reflection of the new vehicles, is what I say! Woohoo!

        Party, party, party ♡♡♡♡♡♡

  5. I burst into tears today because the dentist said they might not give me a refund for an electric toothbrush replacement head that did not fit. WTF! 😯 (actually I did get the refund.) Then in sacred dance I spilled the beans and told how badly and shaken up I was feeling, my spine so tense, anxiety like feelings, AGAIN! I told them about the sports announcer in my head telecasting all my spiritual faults with a non stop commentary how I am not measuring up to godliness. As MAtt said to me, Type A spiritually. I get it! Yet in such a profound way it lead to an amazing love fest where I truly cherished and held all my “faults,” the fear, anxiety, pissiness, frustration, irritation, body aches , etc. I loved those parts of me that feel that way. It was so dear. I still feel funky yet something fundamental shifted in me and I feel like a new level of self acceptance and love has popped in, despite the fact I still feel like crap. Ah, what a ride.

    1. Aw I hear you – in the last couple of days I have had times that felt like energetic moments of ‘Oh holy shit! How does being in a body work again in ways I might actually enjoy? How do I exist here AND be happy again? How can I possibly create anything I want again?’ Poor mind – integration is hardest for it I feel…love that the ‘weirdness/discomfort: self-love ratio’ is always perfect for each moment…

      I feel funky and new all at once! It’s a new feeling in many ways …Must be getting like a seriously new alchemical mixture in there now…hahaha.

      Kisses and cuddles to you darling – it’s so great to ride with you ♡♡♡♡♡♡

    1. Haha yay! I second that, ‘happily’ being the operative word… :mrgreen: And anyway, being an amazonian goddess, you’re just awesome at it, so… 😀 ♡♡♡

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