What’s been happening this week is that I have become increasingly aware – because it is getting so easy for me to tangibly KNOW what’s happening for me energetically – of how I am balancing up my energies of Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine by receiving them as all-encompassing waves through my field, and experiencing them as ME in all ways as a full experience of one and then the other (to whatever capacity I can receive, obviously ).
(Actually, I also want to say – which could take a whole other post to do fully – that I accord with what Archangel Michael and Meredith Murphy have spoken about around these labels of feminine and masculine not being a fully accurate expression of the energies they represent. It feels more accurate to me to recognise them as fields that hold the balance in all things – like yin and yang – that which is soft, gentle, receiving, yielding, dark, quiet, peaceful, void, potential and so on, in perfect balance with that which is direct, dynamic, forward moving, protective, bright, confident, creative, and so on. Everything is made up of unique combinations of energies created from the merging of these two essential modes, and masculine and feminine are simply labels we have created through embodying a form of their essence in human shape. That’s how I’m seeing it right now, in brief ( 😯 ). And yet they are so widely recognised as terms that for now they are really useful, so rather than having to explain this each time, I’ll just carry on! ♥)
So this divine masculine/feminine thingy I’ve been experiencing. This came totally clear to me when I was reading Lauren C. Gorgo’s latest wondrous blog post on Think With Your Heart (TWYH). I realised that for at least a couple of months consciously I have been experiencing waves – periods of time – where I seem to be having a purer and purer experiences of either Divine Masculine or Divine Feminine energies. And it seems to be that the purer I get in my expression – the more neutrally I am present with myself/the less fear there is in the way of ME – the stronger and more obvious these waves are.
To me, it feels like these are expansions, balancings and nourishments all at once. It feels like I am receiving more of ME in these times, but specific to each side, almost like receiving each of the main ingredients of existence and returning an increasingly undistorted experience of them to my conscious presence. And it feels to me very much as if it’s only at a certain level of clarity that I am able to experience them in this way – before I would having clearings and expansions designed to get me to a certain level of clarity – now I have enough (and ever-increasing) energetic clarity to really receive more of my light in conscious ways, and so now this is happening more purely.
It’s amazing how obvious it’s getting! I would say I have been very aware of the last two especially, and this week was just totally obvious, especially when I had the masculine wave. Oh boy! I guess this part was particularly strong because this is the side that is probably most natural to my outward expression (which is odd to me in some ways because I have felt so much in a feminine expression all my life), and yet it’s the side of my energies I have been least comfortable expressing because they are least compatible with the societal notions of acceptable interaction…! More on this below…
The feminine waves have been loveliest in some ways because what their main aim seems to have been is to bring me ever deeper into my heart and the LOVE that lives there. I can see how this tone has always been obviously present throughout this process, but now, in the clearer states of it, its beauty is evident because it brings such soft allowing and accepting of self. Such calm and a tranquil ability to just be present in the nourishing love of rest and replenishment and receiving loveliness from the universe that simply waits for me to open to it so it can pour balm – that my conscious mind has forgotten exists – into those parts of me that are still finding their way to remembering their naturally balmy state!
It seems to me that these feminine waves prepare the way for the masculine waves for me, because – partly for the reasons stated above, the allowing they awake sets the platform for a more confident and free-flowing expression of me. I can see now how my worry about inconveniencing others, getting my expression ‘wrong’ and causing discomfort or pain, and judging how I felt to express myself as if I needed to monitor it constantly, is being literally made redundant by these two self-worth-themed wholings aimed from such different tones! The feminine brings my allowing self-love which then allows for my expressing self-love, and the trust that actually, if I just let go, I will always be in alignment because I have done enough, cleared enough, refined enough – consciously – that I can allow my NATURAL divine alignment to shine through without my mind controlling it.
So obvious now but reeeeeally wasn’t until these latest waves expanded my core light in body and helped me see. And as that letting go happens, oh boy is it fun! Oh my god/dess it’s so freeing to just trust myself to be as exuberant, joyful, excited as I feel, and also to trust that if I feel annoyed or frustrated and I’m in my aligned flow, expressing it as I feel is also serving the highest good because allowing it without judgement is actually helping me move out of needing to express myself like that. This last was what was actually blocking my full expression, because I was still judging my motivations and desires to express in any way other than polite and outwardly-loving as ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, amazingly, even though I knew mentally that wasn’t the case. My mind just couldn’t square how it was perfectly alright for me to express HOWEVER I felt to, because it still did not trust that my motivations were pure, even after everything! Spiritual ego control thing for sure! (Written more about this in my post Inner Authority (and some!) )
That might seem really bizarre and odd, since we spent so much of our time being told to purify and monitor our thoughts and desires and motivations, guided to always being loving and caring and such, that you would imagine once you get to a certain point that’s just how it is. The thing that I have realised this week is, I absolutely resonate with that, and can feel the truth of that, but what I was doing was using that as an ‘assumed standard’ to head for and perfect, beating myself up for any feeling or reaction (expressed or not) that did not align.
This to me is now extremely obviously yet another spiritual control attempt (bless it) by my mind as I bring it in to my heart for cuddles and it doesn’t think it wants them. And I see now how, at this point, the only way to pass through it is to let myself express FULLY and FULLY AUTHENTICALLY to the fullest capacity I can, trusting that my innate LOVE essence will flow itself through my expression, ever-refining and ever-heightening my LOVE-expression without my mind and it’s judgement needing to monitor or ‘do’ anything about it WHATSOEVER.
JOY! And this was the result of these last two feminine/masculine waves, and when the masculine came through, I WAS ZINGING. Oh my god/dess it was fantastic. Through the above realisation, I felt myself just go ‘ohmygodlet’sjusthaveFUNSQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!’, and of course, it was joyous, and light and easy, because that is so the vast majority of my energies now! I experienced IMMENSE directness, incredible clarity, complete no-nonsense communication that put no energy whatsoever into anything I did not feel to (and it was obvious how that needed to be). And the best bit was my MASSIVE and active creativity and the joy I received from being so active and productive without effort, just doing simple, easy things. Fan-bloody-tastic.
And the best bit from where I’m sitting right now, is when I experience times which I can only describe as a perfectly felt balance between masculine/feminine. And I can only describe it as that because when I’m in that state – feels like divine balance – I. Just. KNOW. It really is the most natural, the most powerful, the lightest and most overflowing-with-LOVE feeling, and it’s just so NORMAL. Honest to God, it’s heaven, without any of the heady, blissy ecstasy fireworks I’d have imagined, just deep, solid, assured, blissful, joyful, neutral happiness of self, and overwhelming contentment, as if those fireworks were there but truly normal in themselves. And now I am getting this strong conscious sense of the the two ‘sides’ that make this up, I can say this balance does feel actually like the combination of the two.
And, of course, I am now in an (apparently) long (for me 😉 ) integration period, which can sometimes just be lovely quiet restings where I feel happily normal-human. But this one is much more as they were before – waking up in the morning feeling heavy and tired of the whole thing, getting frustrated with still-unresolved issues that feel to my mind like they really should be different by now and aren’t, and wondering how and when this interminable process will ever become a new cycle of fully-embodied light and joy. So all the normal mind stuff. But I don’t particularly enjoy it, even as it gets easier to stay in the Big Picture Flow with it. Happily, as I was saying to my mum this morning, although that heavy integration sense does pervade my energies through the day whilst I’m in these periods, as soon as I’m up, my core essence level of however much ME I’ve integrated means I do spend most days excited and bouncy and connected and in joy, even if they are more patchy and a paler version than when I am in fully divine balance up to my current capacity.
So, let’s see what this latest integration period brings, because each one is shorter, and each new energy burst is longer, deeper, more familiar and opens so much up that I am truly starting to get excited by the potential of our fully natural divine balance, because oh god it’s BIG and it’s BEAUTIFUL and it’s ME and it’s YOU and it’s ONE. LOVE…♥